How to prepare your guy for “the talk” without a fight
Speaking the language of love can be tough at times. We all know the saying “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” And in real relationships it rings very true! But wouldn’t it be cool to know exactly how to prepare your guy for “the talk”. To use the language of love to navigate the differences between men and women should problems arise.
Firstly, we need to bear in mind that our husbands, partners, and lovers have a completely different perception of relationships than we do. They do not communicate their emotions, thoughts or feelings in the same way. Our DNA dictates that we seek recognition, validation and affirmation from the one we love. We talk about how we feel. We become transparent, open and completely visible. This is our way of expressing our trust, reliability and loyalty.
But, we also have expectations that our guy must do the same. We long to hear the same words and depth of true feeling in equal measure. We expect and need to know that they are as emotionally open, available and comfortable with their feelings for us as we are with them.
We have all come to realise that men just don’t behave this way. And I for one, have been very frustrated and confused and hurt at times, about why my partner doesn’t always communicate how he feels.
I’ve come to understand that men generally find it difficult to show their vulnerability. They wish to be seen as capable, practical, strong and reliable. They feel empowered when they can solve a problem, diffuse a crisis and succeed in achieving a result.
This article is not about stroking his ego, or in any way diminishing your equal status in your relationship. This is about using your language of love to reassure your man. Making it easier for him to hear you. Triggers that heighten his willingness to approach conversations concerning the inner dynamic of emotions shared. And solve problems. He is more comfortable with hearing language that reassures, encourages and approves of him. Even if he knows you’re right about a mistake that has been made.
We need to talk…
Generally, when we girls say, “we need to talk” our guy will generally want to run for the hills. Primarily, his instincts tell him that you disapprove. That he has done something that has hurt, upset or disappointed you. That he has let you down. That you may have lost respect for him. And he isn’t good enough anymore.
This entire spectrum of emotion floods into his mind. And his “fight or flight” instincts are triggered. We all have experienced the uncomfortable tension and resistance our normally relaxed partner presents in these circumstances. The defensive attitude and the awkward, highly-charged atmosphere created between you. And we all know how quickly this can escalate into a full-blown fight!
Use the language of love regularly to build your partner’s confidence. Create an atmosphere of willing openness between you. He will easily listen to any concerns you may have.
I know this approach has really worked for me. Use these secret triggers throughout your relationship and not just when you need “the talk”.
What do men want…?
Men want to hear that they are competent
Nothing is more unnerving for him then if you need help with something and don’t ask. Because you think he can’t help. Men generally have a heroic instinct. They are brought up with the idea of “coming to the rescue”. Anything from carrying your shopping, to DIY, to walking you safely to your car. He wants to feel needed.
Men want to hear they are attractive
Men are much more visually-orientated then us. And men like to observe women. But they forget that we are not the same. Men enjoy the female form. And it’s not uncommon for a guy to find a gorgeous woman very attractive. For no other reason than to appreciate her beauty. But usually this is accompanied with the notion – Am I attractive to others? So, paying a compliment, such as “you look handsome today” “or “that jacket looks good on you” would really make his day. I’m sure though that guys could do more of the same for us too.
Men want to hear that they are inspirational
Men have the instinct to lead. To inspire others to greatness and potential, have an impact on people and be recognised for their achievements and not forgotten for their efforts. Tell your man, how he has inspired you and why.
Men want to hear that you notice when they try
Acknowledging him working hard on some project or job. Noticing him doing little things for you. Commenting on his help or support for a friend, family member or colleague. They don’t want to go unnoticed.
Men want to be recognised as honourable
They want to be recognised not just for their achievements. But for their character. Trustworthy, loyal, honest, respectful, reliable, steady, capable and good. That he is a man of his word. He is considerate and a good listener. Don’t let a good man go without letting him know that he is doing well.
Men want to know you respect him
As much as a man wants to hear he is loved. He also wants to hear you respect him.
Your man wants to know that you look up to him. That you trust his judgement. That he is a man of “good standing” and character in the eyes of his peers, family and community. That despite any differences, challenges or arguments, you remain steady in your belief and feelings for him. That the respect is real and not simply to stroke his ego.
If these suggestions are applied regularly in your relationship, you will see that it does not go unnoticed. Your man will be more open to having “the talk” because he is reassured that you truly love and believe in him. And his mistakes, errors or oversights do not impact on your view of him. Or his character or how you feel about him. Let him know when he’s doing things right and kindly let him know when he is not. You will both enjoy talking to each other a lot more even when a difficult conversation is needed.
Love and Live Well.
Till next time
Lee VZ xxx
The wonderful and caring Lee van Zyl offers sound and uplifting guidance in a reading with you. She has many years’ experience giving intuitive insight on all kinds of love readings. Speak with her directly for your positive guidance here; https://psychictoday.uk/reader/8738/lee-van-zyl1